Live-tweeting the alternate-universe Oscars (2012 edition)

 

Above: Twitter During The Oscars: The Interpretive Fight Scene. (Neo represents the Academy. You know who the live-tweeters are.)

I've come to hate the Oscar telecast, but I still like the idea of it.

So for the second year in a row, instead of watching the actual show, I just live-tweeted the Oscars I wanted to watch instead. Much less aggravating.

Those tweets are reprinted after the jump.

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Bringing Kobayashi onstage to eat 50 hard-boiled eggs? Well, Oscar telecast, that's ONE way to memorialize Paul Newman, I guess...
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This thing they're doing where previous Oscar winners break down their old performances is awesome. Hoffman is a class act crediting Cruise.
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I mean, I love that the Muppet presentation segment ended with a melee with the Spitting Image puppets, but man, that audience was quiet.
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Harvey Weinstein's public apology was a nice surprise, though I'm not sure he needed to throw "Shakespeare In Love" under the bus like that
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The breaks where they cut to Cintra Wilson live-blogging the show have improved since Camille Paglia showed up
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A salute to the films of Fernando di Lio! Finally! So cool that Tarantino rode onstage in a '70s-vintage street-legal dirt-bike
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How did they morph Kathryn Harrald into Robyn Douglass mid-speech like that?
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College (feat. Electric Youth) performing all the nominated songs? Stroke of genius. Though they could have done better on "Flightrisk"
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Dude from Journey is wearing a coat made of scarab beetles
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Channing Tatum presenting live from the "Magic Mike" set in a bathrobe, won't stop crossing and uncrossing his legs
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Jonathan Winters, 87, reprising all his movie roles in one staccato 2-minute marathon. Amazing. Standing O when he got to THE LOVED ONE.
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While I LOVE that wrangler legends have different animals bringing awards onstage, I can't see that offstage bear wanting to pull that wagon
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I can't stop staring at the gorgeous Bollywood stars on the other end of that giant "Wall of Friendship" vidscreen live-linked to India.
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That bit where Jean Dujardin lifted off his mask to reveal another Jean Dujardin underneath? BEST EFFECTS OSCAR INTRO EVER
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My Oscar Breakup moment finally happened: Zemeckis directing a perf-capture Bogart defending postproduction 3-D. At least everyone booed.
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That scroll underneath of James Franco's live-tweets is actually a pretty good use of him.
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Robert Evans revealing onstage that Steven Seagal is the son he gave up for adoption in 1952 is (a) touching and (b) explains a LOT.
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I love that the the Vanity Fair Oscar party is being held in a rented-out Mrs. Field's this year. Ahead of the curve again, Graydon.
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Is the Tarantino-directed tribute to Trigger's filmography going to go a full 10 minutes? I mean, I like "The Golden Stallion" too, but...
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Wait -- William Witney is still ALIVE? Kirk Douglas is wheeling him out for his honorary Oscar? Okay, I understand the buildup now.
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It really is cool that Joe Johnston agreed to take out his pencil again to live-storyboard the Oscars with all those younger guys.
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The best part? Trumbull bringing out the original "2001" Discovery model. "Just found this in Stanley's secret archives." Holy shit
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Malick announcing he's directing a Skyrim movie onstage actually makes sense if you've wandered around Skyrim much. Hear he's a HUGE gamer
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The "Celebration of Hollywood Craftspeople" is brilliant. Especially the guy who literally built a podium while Crystal was walking out.
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The gag where John Williams presented a 100-piece "John Williams: Rock Band" console game fell pretty flat. Horner can't read his cuecards
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I really hope Woody Allen IS making that Hemingway spinoff film. "Pamplona Blues" is a great title, too.
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Okay, the Owen Wilson "Midnight in Paris" Dockers commercial was funnier than anything in the show itself
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"Breaking Away" cast reunion!
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Can't imagine how Harmony Korine is going to finish the "4-hour movie" he started writing backstage at 5. Not even editing yet. Dumb stunt.
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Sending the winners to "Marc Maron's Podcast Alley" before the afterparties is a great idea, though.
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Darabont going OFF on movie-poster art while accepting Best Adapted for "The Stand"! And hauling a bawling Struzan onstage! Truth to power!
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Villanch's writing team is off its game this year. Though the part where Crystal riffed with Brando Jor-El outtakes might be the exception.
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Am I the only one noticing that 3 separate winners walked out to tracks from "A Little Touch of Schmilsson in the Night"? Is this a prank?
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Shepard Fairey creating instant variations on the "HOPE" poster for each winner fell apart in a hurry. He actually APOLOGIZED to Fichtner.
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BTW, giving the first "Best B-Movie Moment" award to Fichtner for this was a nice touch.
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Least useful infographic of the evening: that over-animated chart showing how the waistlines of men's slacks have moved downward since 1930.
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SCORSESE JUST SHAVED HIS EYEBROWS IN SOLIDARITY
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DRIVE wins! Called it!
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Favorite moment: Takashi Miike accepting Best Foreign for 13 ASSASSINS, then releasing flaming cows down each aisle and locking the exits.

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Mike Russell (@culturepulp) on Twitter

Last year: Live-Tweeting the Oscars (alternate universe edition)

Comments

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I like them very much